I’ll be Myself, Now or Later

Follow the style of our idol is normal and common, sometimes we imitate them exactly, whether it’s good or not (haha). Sometimes it also happens to me because I knew if I couldn’t be close to my idol, I imitate their style at least part of their style. So that I can imagine they are close to me. It sadly.

Most of my idol have an unique style, unfortunately sometimes I got less support of my family if I’m imitating my idol. Of course, not all parents like to see their daughter dressed as a rocker (or punk. haha). However my mom and dad love it when I coloring my hair to red (red wine), purple (deep purple), blue (dark blue) or brown (light brown) even my dad once suggested blond (haha) he like western people’s hair. Using accessories such as rings, bracelets, necklaces, toe rings and earrings with rocker style or cut my hair with strange style will not be a problem for my family, which would be a problem was when I dressed as a rocker. My dad would comment od my clothes one by one, my mom would grumbled all day (haha) and my sister, maybe she would hit me after tired scold me (haha) good, she never tired when scolded me. It was relieved.

I have a trick. By combining multiple “normal” rocker style, I created my own style and it seems like it doesn’t make my family protests. My style can be said to be a strange style, indeed. But that doesn’t matter as long as I feel comfortable using it. I know a lot of that talk bad about my style behind me and I don’t care about it (haha).

I was crabby, a little sensitive and insane. Maybe it’s the main couse I don’t have best friend. Besides my family and my boyfriend, the people around me are just friend to me when they need something with me, other than they think I don’t exist. I ofthen escafe from real world to cyber space, I feel therein I can make frienship with the others. When I didn’t know them and they don’t know me, I was finally able to speak henestly to people I had never met. Weird, but pleasant than should be to talk the liar to people in front of me.

I like black and red, sometimes gray or white too. But black has dominated me even my soul. Black represents the darkness of my soul, red represents my blood and gray (or white) represents my bones. Like I was said “I’m a demon in human form” the colors represents of it. Lately dark blue adorn my hair (haha), other than I was also affected my sister’s favorite color, yellow. Not bad, at least yellow not green. I often coloring my nails with black, it was fun to see a row of black on the tip of my fingers. Until now I still think to have a tattoo in my body (haha) even I’ve made the tattoo design.

My imagination a little excessive even terrible (perhaps), but that’s the thing that has shaped me today. I don’t care if people saya I’m weid, scary or insane as long as they not call me bitch. I like cats, my sister and I preserve 4 cats at home. Ekeyla, Micik, Shiro and Kid. I ofthen use them as animal therapy when I feel stress and it worked. You can also try it. I like reading, listening songs, sleep and dreaming (haha) I’ve asked my family about how if I become an American citizens. My dad just laughed and said “nice”, my mom said “why not Japanese?” while my sister said “try to be president and change this f*cking country to be like US or Japan” (haha) they responded to my question. I was currious, how if I ask “should I have tattoo?” (>.<) I’m not stay at home. I stay in a room, in a small house within 3 hours from my house. I can go home at least once a month, it’s still better than not go home at all.

Sometimes I want to be someone else or worse, disappear (in every way) but on second thought, being myself is the best, although sometimes very painful. God wouldn’t punish people without reason, if I feel my life is suffered it’s no more the fault of my own. I accept it.